Bruce Lehrmann & David Sharaz, revealed in all their glory

Damsel in distress Brittany Higgins, who said she was RAPED in Parliament House two years ago, the story of which has caused a mammoth furore, has a boyfriend, named David Shiraz, whose job is, or was, to handle federal government clients for a media analytics company, a role which requires “daily interaction with government and the maintenance of good relationships with ministerial offices and the prime minister’s office”. David says he has had to quit his job, because of his association with sexual assault survivor Brittany:

I do not believe I can continue to do that following the events of last week. My number one priority has always been to support Brittany during this incredibly challenging time. I’m so proud of Brittany for her courage and determination. Unfortunately the events of this last week haven’t been without consequence for Brittany, her family and myself.

Some readers might think that what he is actually saying there is:

I’m a phag. Brittany is my current beard, and what I really like is large muscular men.

But you would be egregiously wrong and out of line, and suffering from a failure to see that David is just a caring man devoted to the emotional needs of his girlyfriend, as wise middle aged feminist women have taught us all men should be.

Meanwhile there are certain outlets who are openly naming the alleged rapist of Brittany, saying it is former Liberal staffer Bruce Lehrmann, who has deleted all his social media and is said to be holed up in a psychiatric “hospital”.

David and Bruce appear to be the same person on first glance, but they are not, nor are they twins or brothers. It’s all very strange. Doesn’t David give her flashbacks? There is an inference that could be made here, but even given that it may indeed be that young Bruce has some sort of behavioural issues, as three others have apparently jumped on the bandwagon and remembered that they were assaulted by him as well.

Stay tuned, this thrilling, important story that defines our time and people is not going away, and certain elements have seized on it with almighty glee as a way of weakening the government, and implying openly that the Prime Minister knew about the cover up, and is partly responsible for whatever it is that has happened here.